According to Crystal

We have asked Crystal Lamont, our celebrity guest expert on the Diana camera and all things tasteful, to offer her critique of one of our photographer’s Diana shots.
(To see a video trailer of Crystal, click here and to see her Top Ten Tips on using the Diana, click here. )
Here are Crystal’s reviews of three of Marie Wilson’s photographs made with the Diana:
1. Photo: Little India triple exposure by Marie Wilson

Crystal sez:
I can’t say it enough: wind. And I don’t mean the kind that blows (as this shot does). No, I mean, wind as in turn that little dial at the top of your Diana after every click of your shutter. This photo is a good example of someone who doesn’t know how to wind or who just can’t be bothered. She probably goes around without nail polish on her toenails as well. And not only has she failed to wind, but she has failed to wind several times! And that’s why when you look at the shot it makes you feel as if you’ve had one too many martinis. And since I usually have had one too many martinis, this shot makes me see eightuple.
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2. Photo: fairy flowers by Marie Wilson

Crystal sez:
How can you screw up a photo of begonias or petunias or gladiators? By misusing your Diana, that’s how! That’s what we see in this shot: perfectly good subject – flowers – but this “photographer” hasn’t taken the time to arrange the posies nor to arrange her camera and tripod. She probably can’t arrange herself either and I’m picturing a walking sartorial disaster – probably someone who wears floral prints with zebra stripes and metallic sling backs, her hair all backcombed up and her lipstick askew (okay, I did once wear such an outfit, and there are those photos to prove it, but it was years ago – at least two – and I have since thrown away those pedal pushers).
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3. Photo: the plastic ride toy by Marie Wilson


Crystal sez:
Who wants to see this!? Look, I’m going to be blunt here. Whoever took this should not give up her day job. But she should sell her camera. This photo is an eyesore and I don’t know about you but I don’t like eyesores; in fact, I don’t like sores of any kind. So, please, give your camera to someone more deserving and take up knitting or reading or parkour. The world will be a better place.
photos of Crystal by Aaron Schwartz
Posted by aaron under Articles, Flix Fotos and Frox, Opinion, Reviews, crystal [8] Comments













